I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
