I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
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do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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