this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
