I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize