Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
