Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
