What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
