That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
