i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
