did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
