eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
