I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
