This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
