That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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