HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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