I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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