well I can't set my house on fire every night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
