just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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