Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
