watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
