it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
