Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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