i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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