When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
