I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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