How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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