If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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