He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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