I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
