Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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