You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Shame - the story of my life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
