You can't motorboat a personality
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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