Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
