she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
