i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We are two peas in an std pod
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
