I puked a lego.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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