I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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