I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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