hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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