Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
