I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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