I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
