Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
