I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
