I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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