Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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