hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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