I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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