I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
