I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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