she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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