You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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