Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
