oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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