If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
