I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
