i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
