Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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