Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
