I just threw up on my dentist
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My dick has a subreddit
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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