remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize