Soap is not a condiment
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
