It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
