no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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