We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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