You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
