I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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